Friday, February 15, 2013

No words...

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” -Elizabeth Stone

There are no words to describe how much I love these boys.

I had no idea. Before I had kids I had no idea how profound my love for them would be. I've heard people talk about it, but I couldn't help feeling like no one told me or warned me. I know now that it is because there are no words to describe it and no measure to compare it to. It's just not something a person is capable of understanding until they are holding their baby and experiencing it.

When Kellan was born, I was completely overwhelmed by how fiercely I loved him. I have never loved anything more in my life so intensely. The enormity of it scared me. It still scares me. I couldn't imagine loving anyone or anything else anywhere near as much as I loved him. His birth was when my eyes were truly opened to what real, raw, unconditional love is and I realized, to my horror, how absolutely devastating it would be if anything happened to him and why my mom was so "ridiculously overprotective" of me. I get the term "mama bear" now, when before I thought it was just cutesy. It's very real and quite descriptive of how fiercely a mama protects her babies.

When I was pregnant with Aven, like most 2nd time mamas, I still worried that I couldn't love another child like I did my first. I couldn't imagine that it was possible. It seems silly now that I worried about that because as soon as he was born, I felt that exact same fierce, intense love for him too. It was no different and no less and just as overwhelming as it was with his brother.


Several of my friends, now pregnant with their 2nd child, ask "Will I love this baby as much as my first?" You will. I promise you, you will. Just like you couldn't prepare for how much you loved your first baby, it will blindside you and overwhelm you and sweep you off your feet and bring you to tears because of its enormity. There is nothing sweeter.

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